


Bring it

by Yassoda



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Boners, Escape, Fake Relationship, Fake Sex, Lance cares, M/M, Misunderstandings, Shower Sex, Spies & Secret Agents, fake shower sex, keith is oblivious, keith is too hard on himself, lance pov, no actual sex in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 23:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15060245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yassoda/pseuds/Yassoda
Summary: Keith and Lance are secret agents, and are forced to fake shower sex to get out of a high-security building and complete their mission. Shenanigans ensue.





	Bring it

**Author's Note:**

> A friend sent me this message:
> 
> «Fanfic prompt inspired by the dream i had last night, use it however you like:  
> Two secret agents are stuck in a building, and the only way out is through the vents of public showers. They’re about to get in but someone sees them, and they have to explain that they shower together because they’re married. Because of that, they’re forced to disassemble the vent grate while loudly interjecting “ahhhh”s and “mmmmh yes”s to justify why they’re spending such a long time in the shower.»
> 
> So obviously this is all her fault.

The clicking in Lance's ear sounds frenetic, Pidge's fingers are flying on her keyboard. He tries to stay calm and seem like he belongs here, in this high-security embassy, guarding the rooms, of course, and not desperately waiting to be given the clear for his extraction after stealing sensitive, confidential information. Keith, next to him, looks cool as a cucumber, and Lance curses himself for being less experienced. Pidge lets out an aggravated groan.

"Yeah, no, sorry agents, my system's not gonna make the override. You're on your own."

Keith stiffens, and Lance whispers:

"What! Green, tell us you at least have an exit route for us!"

He hears more clicking. Pidge is no doubt studying her scans of the buildings again.

"Go to the staff shower room. The vents will get you outside. After that, run about a hundred steps South, get in the sewers. Head South-West, then go right at every intersection, get out at the third overhead opening, we'll extract you there. Go!"

"Got it."

Keith gives a cursory glance around, and starts walking swiftly. Lance follows. Just two colleagues getting off their shifts. Grabbing a shower and going home.

The staff quarters are on the ground floor, and they're _fancy_. The showers have stalls, which is convenient, because Lance and Keith can just lock themselves in to pry the vent open. But. The vent is in one stall. So they have to be in the same stall. Which will be difficult to achieve stealthily since this is apparently the time a group of real employees get off their shift (they look like kitchen employees?) and men are starting to strip all around them. Keith's eyes narrow, and he stalks decidedly towards the stall with access to the vent, determined to get to it before anyone else can. Lance tries to look casual as he follows, hands in his pockets, looking up innocently. But, just before Lance can get in the stall, they are noticed. 

"Hey man, I think that stall is taken," warns a not-unkind voice.

Lance spins around, hand still holding the stall open, and gives the guy a tense smile. It sounds like he was just trying to help.

"Oh I know, but... we, see, we like to shower together."

The guy's eyebrows climb high up on his forehead.

"You... what?"

From the stall behind Lance, Keith comes up and grabs Lance's arm.

"We're married!" he snaps with an intensity that’s slightly too much for the situation.

As the guy blinks, taken aback, Lance gives him a wink and some finger guns, trying to lighten things up.

"Showering together helps him relax," he offers. "You know, strong guys like him need to blow off some steam after a hard working shift..."

Keith grunts and yanks Lance backwards into the stall, and slams the door in the taken-aback guy's face.

As soon as it is locked, Lance turns to Keith.

"Did I just imply we're having sex in here?" he asks with their secret hand code, so others can't hear him.

Keith blinks.

"Uh. I think so," he signs back.

Lance makes a face.

"Man, we're gonna have to make sex noises so we don't blow our cover!"

Keith's entire face goes red, and he frowns furiously, turning his attention to the vent.

The vent is high up, most of it just hidden by the stall door, but if people pay close attention they might see what Keith and Lance are up to. It's also impossible for them to reach it from the floor.  
Keith kneels down, and gestures at Lance to get up on his shoulders.

"Hey, why are you carrying me? I'm strong too you know!" he whispers.

Keith looks at him, deadpan.

"I know," he signs. "But you're better at lockpicking. Get up."

Lance ends up obeying, gets his hands on the grate, and Keith turns on the shower.

The shower head is around Lance's navel. Lance yelps.

"That's cold!"

The water is falling right on his lower abdomen, running down to his crotch, and it is freezing. Lance squirms around a bit, trying to ignore it in favor of getting the vent open, but the cold is really distracting. They wobble precariously, Keith struggling to keep his footing.

"Stop moving," he says, a bit too loud.

Lance makes a huge effort to stay still long enough for Keith to stand stable once more.  
Keith twists the controls towards warmer water, and ok, that's not so bad anymore.

"Oh yeah, just like that," moans Lance in relief.

Keith tenses under him, and Lance can feel laughter bubbling up inside of him. He flicks at Keith's reddening ear and signs one-handed:

"Stealthy sex noises, remember?"

Lance knows, he just _knows_ Keith is making his most scrunched up frowny face, but just as Lance starts working on the grate again, getting a small screwdriver from his utility belt, Keith _growls_.

"Oh yeah, you like that, you dirty brat?"

Lance chokes. He just. He chokes. It's a miracle he doesn't let go of the screwdriver and of the grate and of his whole entire being, because what. What the what.

"I asked you a question," prompts Keith, and he slaps against the wall, making a wet sound, like someone was just pinned there.

Like _Lance_ was just pinned there.

Lance takes a shuddering breath. This is acting. It's part of their job. It's fine. It doesn't matter how turned o— how _shocked_ he is to learn that Agent Red, most immovable poker-face in the whole agency, is capable of decent dirty talk. He has to keep his head in the game.

So he moans. Loud and dirty. He can act just as well as Keith, if not better! Lance is great at sex noises!

"Ooh, I do, oh _daddy, yes_!!!! Please, mmmnnn..."

Keith feels super tense under Lance's legs. This must be making him uncomfortable. _Good._ Lance is uncomfortable as well. He catches the first screw he managed to undo before it has a chance to make a sound, and slips it in a pocket.

"Please what?" Keith's hands tighten around Lance's legs. "Beg me for what you want, baby."

Lance is going to die. He is legitimately starting to get aroused. Fuck his life.

"Please, daddy, harder!"

He lets the sentence dissolve in a moan, as if Keith had complied, and Keith, following the cue, starts banging on the wall in earnest. And moans back.

The only good thing about that whole situation is that no one can hear it when Lance lets the fourth screw fall to the ground. He keeps up a steady stream of moans and "yes daddy"s, which are echoed by Keith's disturbingly enthusiastic mix of grunts, moans, pants, and praise.

"So good for me baby, so tight," he is saying, as Lance finally, _finally_ gets the ventilation grate off the wall.

He passes it down to Keith, hoists himself up in the vent, and starts crawling, in complete denial about his boner. He hears Keith let out an orgasm-worthy moan, get in behind him and secure the grate back in place, and they don't have the time to do anything but crawl away as fast and silently as they can.

The grate at the other end of the vent is quickly unscrewed, and the drop to the ground is nothing Lance hasn't jumped before. He spares Keith a quick glance, making sure he landed right, which is stupid because, again, Agent Red has more experience, and it means Lance is a couple steps behind when they start running across the grounds from shadow to shadow. 

The sewers Pidge had mentioned end up being thankfully easy to find. They manage to move the heavy opening easily enough, and they start down the slippery metal ladder, into the depths.

It stinks. It stinks a lot and it's very dark, and they're going basically blind as neither agent has thought to get out a light source. 

"Wait, stop," instructs Keith. 

Lance freezes impatiently. He hears rummaging, then a crackle, and Keith is throwing a glow stick down to the bottom of the sewers. Lance has to admit that was a good call, and they quickly start moving again, a bit faster than before. 

Lance is so concentrated on his footing he doesn't really understand the short yelp and messy splashing for what it is, and thinks Keith has reached the bottom.

And technically he's not wrong. Slipping and falling do result in reaching the bottom.

"Fuck."

"Red?" Lance glances down and, upon seeing Keith prone in a mixture of shit and other unpleasant liquids, hurries down. "Agent Red, what is your status?" he asks, kneeling next to him.

"I think I'm fine."

Keith ignores Lance's helping hand and tries to stand up, but his flinch and the way he ends up desperately grabbing at Lance's shoulders are telling.

"Where does it hurt?" prompts Lance.

"Ankle."

"Can you walk?"

Keith tentatively puts some weight on his left leg, and grimaces violently.

"Yes," he says, which Lance decides is an obvious lie.

"Let me..."

"We don't have time Blue! I'll walk it off!" grits Keith.

And Lance remembers all over again why he was salty as fuck at being paired up with agent fucking Red. Agent Red doesn’t need him. And he knows just how to make Lance feel under-qualified and useless.

" _Fine_ ," he hisses, and lets go of Keith's elbows.

He gets out a flashlight, glances at his compas, and starts trudging through the sludge. He can hear Keith struggling behind him, can infer it from the irregularity of his steps and the hitch in his breath. But noooooo agent Red is too good to need help, agent Red prefers solo missions, agent Red—

Agent Red just belly-flopped in a stream of shit. Again. Lance curses and turns back, hoisting Keith up.

"Look Red, I don't care that you're Mister Independent, I'm helping you. And if you so much as stutter one argumentative word, I'll write in my report that you're putting the mission in jeopardy, so you better shut up!"

Keith looks pale under the splats of shit that litter his face, but he nods, teeth gritted, and cooperates, hooking his left arm around Lance's shoulders and limping forward at a reasonable rhythm. Lance almost feels bad for snapping. They splosh forth, close-mouthed for a while. They turn right.

"Sorry," mutters Keith so silently that Lance isn't sure he heard right, until a glance at Keith's face shows the guilt and embarrassment the agent is feeling.

"For what?"

"Being a burden. I should've minded my step."

Lance frowns a bit. 

"It's fine, everyone makes mistakes."

"In our line of work, mistakes are inadmissible."

Again, with the harsh perfectionism. But for once, Keith isn't lashing out at Lance for something stupid, like forgetting a comma in the mission report, or being late at a meeting. He looks angry at himself, along with a darker emotion, tinged with regret. Lance shakes him a bit.

"Hey. We're fine."

Keith's eyes focus, and he nods curtly.

"Yeah."

Keith usually is a man of few words, and this conversation was no different. But Lance feels like he knows a bit more about his partner. At least he knows agent Red isn't just a perfectionist asshole. There are reasons he feels the need to be stubbornly self-sufficient. And that's enough for Lance to feel less bitter about the number of times Keith brushed him off.

They get to the third overhead opening. Lance glances up, hoping to see someone he knows up there, but it's dark. It's still closed.

"Leave me here," says Keith curtly. "There's no way I'll be able to climb up there. Here."

He hands Lance the sealed pouch containing the info they got from the embassy.

"Get it up to them. They'll extract me later."

And really, it's a reasonable suggestion. It's not like they're in imminent danger. But leaving Keith behind still feels gross to Lance, especially after their short... moment. And especially since he’s finally accepting Lance’s help.

"No."

Keith's eyes snap to his, but Lance is already arranging his gear so all of it is at the front of his body.

"Blue, what—"

"Get on my back."

"That's ridiculous, it'll slow you down."

"I'm not leaving you behind!" snaps Lance, stepping towards Keith.

He doesn't know where his conviction comes from, and he's aware it's slightly ridiculous, but Keith's breath hitches, and he nods again, lips pressed against each other.

Lance secures Keith with a rope that ties them together, and yeah, ok, the other man is heavy. But Lance _has_ gone through various training, and he's theoretically able to carry an unconscious man to safety through difficult terrain, so. This should work.

The climb is hard. It hurts, and it takes all of Lance's willpower to keep going steadily. But he makes it, and when Keith tells him to stop so he can open the manhole, he's pleasantly surprised. They crawl out, and Lance is exhausted, but he still has enough awareness to scan their surroundings.

The extraction team is here. Rolo and Nyma, with an inconspicuous car.

Lance knows the car is amped up with Beezer technology, but he’s still impressed at their speed and maneuverability. Nyma really is a good driver. Lance tells her as much, and she giggles at him that yeah, Blue, she knows.

After they’re well on their way, and Keith still hasn’t said anything, Lance decides to mention his injury.

"Red needs medical care. Left ankle."

Rolo gets the med kit out, while Keith glowers slightly at Lance.

"It's not urgent," he assures defensively. "I’ll be fine 'till we get to base."

"Well, let me take a look anyway, eh?" prods Rolo, putting his hands on Keith’s leg.

Lance’s face tightens, anticipating Keith refusing help, but the other agent just sighs and lies back, tense under Rolo’s touch, but accepting. Lance is surprised. Maybe Keith is learning to cut himself some slack. And maybe, maybe it’s just a little bit thanks to Lance. Huh.

* * *

A few days later, Keith is still stuck in his room, foot in a cast. The debriefing went well, the higher-ups are happy with them, and Lance has found that he kind of misses the way Keith pushes him during training. So he goes to visit him. Maybe he’ll taunt him or something. Start up the banter again.

On the way there, he walks by Pidge and Hunk, who are apparently discussing security, because they stop talking when they see him.

"Hey guys," Lance waves.

Hunk waves back with a small grin, but Pidge smiles worryingly large, and all but slides towards him.

"You gonna go and see Keiiiiiiiith?" she drawls, and Lance frowns.

"Uh yeah? Why?"

Pidge chuckles.

"Oh nothing, it's just cute."

Hunk pops up next to her.

"Okay but you gotta tell me. Since when are you two an item?"

Lance's face flushes all at once.

"An item? Wha-what? We're not—"

"Ooooh it's still a secret, okay, gotcha'," stage-whispers Hunk with a wink.

Lance is super confused. Hunk and Pidge start walking away, now both winking at Lance, and it's too weird.

"Wait, why do you two think we're an item?" asks Lance.

Pidge adjusts her glasses.

"Well my friend, some of the tech you're decked-out with monitors your health. So your heart rate, blood pressure, stuff like that. And while you were engaging in what I assumed would be _fake_ dirty talk, the readings went haywire, hence my brilliant deduction," she snaps her fingers. "You two like each other."

Lance splutters.

"K-keith was affected?"

He wants to call bullshit. But while Pidge is a good liar, Hunk is not, and he's nodding in earnest.

"But like, you don't know why our heart rates or blood pressures were weird," rationalises Lance. "Maybe he was just stressed, or embarrassed."

Pidge scoffs.

"Yeah! Stressed and embarrassed by boner-land!"

She lifts her hand for Hunk to high-five enthusiastically, and they really walk away this time, because Lance is struck motionless and speechless.

A boner?

Keith had a boner too?

Almost unaware, Lance keeps walking towards his destination, on auto-pilot. Why the hell did Keith also have a boner? And why was Pidge able to tell!!? Lance didn’t even think of denying his own arousal!! That's super embarrassing!

He gets to Keith's door, and, without thinking, flings it open.

"You had a boner??!"

Keith is sitting on a swivel chair, writing something at his desk. He jumps and grabs his knife, glaring at the intruder, relaxes when he recognizes Lance, then tenses all over again when he registers the words that were flung at him.

"What the fuck Lance."

"Pidge says you had a boner! You had a boner?! Why did you have a boner?! I thought you hated it! And me!"

"What are you talking about."

"The shower sex! The fake shower sex we faked having! Harder daddy? You called me a dirty brat! What the fuck!"

Keith seems to mentally contain himself, and sits up straight. His eyes are cold.

"I am sorry this has perturbed you so, agent Blue. If you want to change partners, I will take the necessary steps for that to happen. No need to freak out about me being gay. The agency has an inclusive policy though, so try not to compromise yourself with homophobic bullshit."

Lance stops short. Keith was all but spitting his words.

"What? No! Keith, _I_ had a boner! And I know you’re gay, but you don't like me so why would you have one?"

" _You_ had a boner?" interjects Keith. "But you're straight!"

"No I'm not!"

"You like Nyma! And Ms. Allura!"

"I'm bi! I flirt with guys _all the time_! I flirted with _you_ before you shut me down! How did you not notice?"

Keith shakes his head.

"There's something I'm not getting here. You're bi?"

"Yes!"

"Bisexual?"

"Yup!"

"And you had a boner."

"I said that already!"

"And I had a boner too."

"Yes, we both had gay boners over our dirty talk, and now Pidge and Hunk think we're an item, which is unfair because it's not true, so the teasing isn't even compensated by anything!"

Lance collapses on another chair, while Keith swivels around.

"But how do Pidge and Hunk know?"

"The readings of our gear apparently."

Keith mulls that over for a while. His face is still tinged red, and Lance is starting to find that cute. And thinking back on their conversation, it seems like they’ve been misunderstanding each other for over a year now.

"So... You thought I was straight huh? How’d you figure that?"

Keith has the decency to look ashamed.

“You just... seemed straight?”

“I tried flirting with you!”

“I didn’t get that.”

“Well, obviously!”

Lance shakes out his arms. He feels restless. But Keith is still blushing. Which is still cute.

“Sooo... now that you know all that. Mind if I start flirting with you again?” asks Lance, trying to sound casual.

Keith looks at him, eyes wide.

“Why would you want to? I’ve been super hard on you, and kind of a jerk!”

“Well,” Lance puts his arms behind his head, stretching. “Your criticisms are _sometimes_ warranted. And I’ve also been a jerk, so. Even?”

Keith looks disbelieving for another second, then drops his head, and Lance hears him chuckle. The sound makes something jolt in his chest. He knew he wasn’t over Keith.

Keith looks at him through his bangs.

“Ok, we’re even.”

Good enough for today. Lance smiles and stands up, ready to head back, but as he puts his hand on the door handle, Keith calls his name.

“Hey Lance!”

“Hm?”

“Was it the daddy kink, or me calling you a brat that made you hard?”

Keith’s smile is positively evil, and Lance splutters, blushes hard again, chokes a bit. He points at Keith indignantly.

“That is unfair agent Red! A low blow! I wasn’t going to tease you about it but it is _on_!!!”

Keith wriggles his eyebrows.

“Bring it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please comment!  
> I haven’t written fics in a long time and this was fun! :)


End file.
